Monday, July 4, 2011

Family Time

First, Happy 4th of July!  Always a fun summer holiday.  Usually the 4th of July arrives with a feeling of dread, since it seems like summer break flies by after the 4th.  Work and school start back up, and the rat race begins again.  However, not this 4th of July.  This will be the first August in five years that I'm not preparing for a new school year.  Honestly, I'm not sad about it either.  I am completely enjoying my new role of at home wife and mother.  Someday I'll want to step back into the career world.  Just not during this season of my life.

Today is a big day because it's a holiday, but also because January 4th was the last full day that Adam lived.  The six month anniversary of his death is upon us.  As this date approached, I had quite a mix of emotions.  I had a few days where the sadness was oppressive....many bad memories came back, and it was really hard.  I kept reliving those awful days at the hospital when we didn't know what was wrong with Adam.  I felt physically sick pretty much all the time.  Deep down I knew something terrible was about to happen....but I tried so hard to remain hopeful.  I remember it was Christmas day, and my nurse kept coming to my room to ask if Mark had arrived yet.  As it turned out, she was asking because a doctor was waiting at the nurses station to tell us Adam was terminally ill.  I don't know what words to use to describe that awful conversation.  It took my breath away.  We didn't tell anyone the news that day.  We figured there was no need to permanently alter Christmas day for anyone else.  For us, Christmas day will always mark the  moment we found out about Adam.  Everything happened so quickly after that....many parts are truly a blur.  Sometimes I think my mind is protecting me from feeling too much too fast.....memories are unlocked little by little.  I deal with them as they come.

And so here we are, six months have come and gone.  I choose to live my best life in honor of Adam.  There are good days, and there are bad days.  I walk to his grave site every day.  His name is still up on the wall in Luke's room, and I'm not sure when, if ever, I will take it down.  I am not afraid to talk about Adam, and I don't care if that makes people uncomfortable.  I know we are extremely blessed to have Nolan and Luke.  Losing Adam has brought Mark, Nolan, Luke and I so close that our bond is unbreakable.  We are walking a road that most will never know or understand.  I will never understand why Adam had to die so soon.  I do, however, accept our circumstances.  God is in control and has a plan.  I have faith and trust

We dedicated our day to Adam, and it was jammed packed with fun family moments.  Here are some pictures from our day!

A huge moment in a young boy's life - the first time driving something.

Outdoor swing installed!  Luke's reactions to his swing.  This is awesome!

Oh how I love my big brother, and my new swing.

Whoa......this is different from my indoor swing (as we started pushing him higher).

This had better slow down RIGHT NOW or I'm going to freak!

It was "eat with your hands" day at the Moo Town Cafe.  Fruit skewers, spinach artichoke dip with bread/chips, and 7-layer Mexican dip.  YUMMY!!!!  A chocolate eclair dessert topped off the meal.  Good eating happened in our household today :-D

Fun in the pool!

Relaxin' on a raft - love the feet reclined up out of the water!  LOL

Enjoying a meal on the deck.  Messy baby!

This is what happens when you tell a 9-year-old boy he has pretty eyes.  He made sure to cover them up with chips!?

I love my family.  We hope Adam felt our love today <3


1 comment:

  1. Betsey, you have such a beautiful family. This entry brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine the pain Adam's death has brought to your life, and the void his absence has created. I may not understand (I know I don't...I have never lost a child, truly the most horrific experience a parent could ever experience), but my thoughts are with you and your family often, hoping you are all finding ways to cope with the unspeakable loss each day. Please don't stop talking about Adam. He was/is a precious life and gift. I am sure of one thing...he definitely felt your joy and love today, and each day.