Thursday, February 24, 2011

What a face....

Today Luke cried tears :(((  It's one thing to hear him cry, but when tears accompany the crying, it's heartbreaking!  I knew the day was near because for the past week or so his eyes would get watery when he cried.  He had a carseat meltdown today....he dropped his pacifier.  We were almost home and there was nowhere to pull off the road, so I just had to let him cry.  When we got home his little cheeks were wet and his eyes were red and watery.  I still remember the day Nolan cried tears for the first time...

Luckily Luke smiles and is happy more than he's sad.  I had to share this picture, I love his cute little chubby face <3


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Luke is 2 months old!

Our little love is 2 months old :-)  He has really chunked up this past month....I love his little fat rolls and kissing his chubby cheeks!  I am anxious to see how much he has grown during the past month.  He had a well check scheduled for today, but I'm going to cancel it due to the bad weather.  Our roads are really scary out here with the ice and drifting snow.  Last week we met with a lactation consultant, and he weighed 11 lbs. at that point - wow!  I think he's getting a lot longer too, because he flew through his 0-3 month clothes and is even getting close to outgrowing some 3-6 month outfits! 

Mr. Luke is doing some new things - he is smiling a lot more, which melts my heart <3  He's very aware of his surroundings now.  If he's in a new place he makes sure to check everything out.  He loves to bear weight on his legs and stand (with me holding him of course).  He gets so excited, it's super cute.  We discovered he loves to be zoomed/bounced around.  If he's fussy in the evenings, Mark zooms him around like he's an airplane and Luke calms down and is happy!  The other really great thing is that I can pretty much count on him sleeping for a 6 hour stretch at night, waking to feed, then going back down for 3-4 hours - pure heaven!! 

We took our first road trip with Luke over the weekend, and we all survived :)  It actually wasn't too bad.  The hardest part of traveling at this point is working around Luke's nursing schedule.  He can go for a 3 hour stretch during the day, but many times he wants to eat every 2 or 2 1/2 hours.  The other issue is that he can't be put in his carseat immediately following a feeding, or he'll have a massive milk explosion.  We went to visit my parents, which is 3 hours away.  On the way there and back we had to take a one-hour intermission - feeding, changing diaper, and waiting for his milk to settle.  We planned the timing to fall around lunch time so we could eat lunch while his stomach settled.  That made it better than just sitting in the van for an hour.  He was very excited to be in a different house and was very busy checking out all the new sites! 

Nolan pointed out that he is nine years old, and Luke is 9 weeks old - so they are "The Nine's" - LOL!  Here is a picture of The Nine's :)

I am thankful everyday for the special relationship Luke and Nolan have.  I have never met a child who is so in love with their baby brother!  It's really neat to see Nolan interact with Luke - he celebrates each new milestone with such pride.  There will be many fun times to come with the two of them!  <3

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day...the day of love....  Some say V-day is just a day for Hallmark to make money.  I agree and disagree.  Yes, retailers and restaurants love this day, as people come out and buy things for their loved ones.  But on the other hand, what's so wrong with a day dedicated to showing people that we love them?  I think it's a great opportunity to recognize the ones we love, and to sort of re-prioritize.  Are we showing those people that we love them everyday?  If not, remember to do something little to show love each day.  Not just on Valentine's day. 

V-day is special to me because it was on Valentine's day that Mark first told me he loved me.  The following Valentine's day he proposed :)  Mark and I don't do anything too over the top as far as gift giving....usually dinner out and flowers, a card, candy, etc.  It's nice to remember each other and especially to remember the special events that took place for us on V-day. 

This year was a little different with Mr. Luke!  I am way too nervous to leave Luke at this point, so we had a group date (meaning Luke came along with us) to Olive Garden yesterday.  At 3:30pm.  With all the old people :)  We had  a master plan.  Feed Luke at 2:30.  Leave at 3:15 (b/c Luke has the lovely habit of vomiting his entire feed if he's put in his carseat too soon after eating!), know what we want to order ahead of time to speed up the process, order dessert to go, and run into Meijer to get supplies for the treat bag for Nolan's V-day party at school.  We calculated that we could do all those things and be back by 5:30 for Luke's next feed.  And we did it!  Arrived home at 5:40....Luke screamed for the last 10 minutes of the drive home, but the event was mostly a success.  It may not sound like a romantic outing....and it wasn't romantic per se.....but it was fun.  We were out of the house, eating good food, and enjoying each other's company.  Isn't that what its all about anyway?

I got a newsletter from Hospice, and something in it really struck me.  It says:

One of the myths of grief is that we should slowly forget the past and move on with our lives.  We are often told that we need to bring "closure".  In other words, we need to close this chapter of our life before we begin another.  Nothing can be farther from the truth.  Grief is not about letting go; grief is about finding ways to continue the connection even as we live a different, now changed life.  

I really love that advice. Especially the last sentence because it's so true.  Adam is my son and he'll always be my son.  I don't have to let go of him.  I can stay connected to him as I continue to live my life.  If you've ever experienced a significant loss, you know that your life is different and changed forever after that person dies.  It doesn't have to be a horrible, sad life.  It's just a changed life.  We have beautiful things around the house that we have gotten as gifts.   Gifts to remember Adam.  Nothing comforts me more than to see those things around, as they help me feel connected to him.  I cannot wait to create our special garden this spring.  There will be a tree for Adam as well as for Luke and Nolan.  I want it to be a pretty area of our yard where I can go to feel connected to all of my boys.

On this Valentine's day I hope everyone takes time to remember their loved ones, even if you think it's a cheesy Hallmark holiday ;)  We are sending our love up to heaven for little Adam :)      

Monday, February 7, 2011

Cloth diapering

I've mentioned before that I have undertaken the task of using cloth diapers with Luke.  I have been surprised by how easy they are to use, that they don't leak, and that I like using them better than disposables!  If you do any research on cloth diapers, you quickly learn that there are many, many choices out there - it's actually overwhelming.  We purchased some diapers to use initially, and have been test driving several other styles/brands.  We wanted to make sure we found a diaper that we LOVED, before we invested in an entire stock.  It's been fun because Mark has been actively involved in the testing process...and we found the perfect diaper: Best Bottoms.  It's super easy to use, leakproof (Luke has definitely put these diapers to the test with some super-sized messes!!), and economical.  So for anyone out there in cyberworld who is considering using cloth, I would highly recommend Best Bottoms.  They are a newer diaper, considered a hybrid style.  We compared the following brands:  Fuzzibunz, Blueberry, Tot Bot, Bum Genius, Katydid, and The Real Nappies.  Best Bottoms came out way ahead of the rest.  I will also say that I am the kind of mom who is all about convenience, and would not undertake anything that is too labor intensive.  We even use cloth wipes because they go in the wash with the's actually easier than having a separate trashcan for disposable wipes that we have to worry about emptying.  Here's our cutie in one of his Best Bottoms diaper :-)


Saturday, February 5, 2011

One month

I can't believe it's been one month since our sweet baby Adam went to heaven.  We miss him so much and think about him daily.  This is the poem we had printed out on his memory cards.

A Special Angel

There's a special angel in Heaven
That is a part of me.
It is not where I wanted him,
But where God wanted him to be.
He was here just a moment,
Like a night time shooting star.
And though he is in Heaven
He isn't very far.
He touched the hearts of many,
Like only an angel can do.
I would've held him every minute,
If the end I only knew.
So I send this special message
To Heaven up above.
Please take care of my angel,
And send him all my love.

I was looking at the guest book for Adam's funeral, and it's so sweet to see Nolan's signature.  Beside his name he wrote "brother" in parentheses.  To me that shows his pride of being Adam's brother.  The memory I thought about a lot today was the moment when I heard Adam's first cry.  I was laying on the operating table, trying not to freak out about the fact that my stomach was cut open and I was awake....and it was the best feeling to hear little Adam cry.  I like that memory because I didn't know there were any problems at that point (other than his cleft).  He was breathing on his own, had good Apgar scores, and seemed to be healthy.  I quickly learned that he hadn't opened his eyes, and that his blood sugar was he needed to go to the NICU.  But there were a few fleeting moments where I thought I had two healthy baby boys and it feels good to remember what those moments felt like.    

Friday, February 4, 2011

The simple things

I've decided that one of the best things about having children is how the simple things become mega exciting.  My husband and I are on cloud nine each time Luke does something new.  Reached towards a toy, looked at pictures in a book, smiled at's all great.  As Luke continues to grow there will be even more exciting firsts.  It's very special to experience the world through your child's eyes.

Luke continues to do well - today he took his first nap in his crib.  Right now he sleeps in an infant sleeper, which is on an incline.  I'm going to slowly introduce him to his crib so when we're ready for him to sleep in his crib at night, it's not a huge drama.  I was pleasantly surprised that he slept in his crib today - for a whole hour.  If he continues to do so well I might just move him to his crib full time.  Although, I think I might have separation anxiety if he's not right next to our bed at night!!!  A fact that I didn't need to know is that SIDS happens the most between one and four months old.....knowing that makes me psychotic about checking on Luke!  I am amazed at how fast he's growing - all newborn sized clothes have been packed away for a few weeks, and some of his 0-3 month things are getting too small.  He can wear some 3-6 month clothes already.  My tiny baby isn't going to stay tiny, that is for sure!

I have to make the general statement that I have a great family, and awesome friends.  When I moved to northwest Ohio in 2002 I didn't know a soul.  Through a mom's group, grad school, and work I have met some truly amazing people.  I feel really lucky to have such special people in my life.  I especially love all my coworkers from Maumee who have made the grand trek out to the middle of nowhere to visit.  Some of you even took the scenic route ;)  Love you all!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snow day!

Nolan, Luke, and I are at home today, enjoying the winter blast from inside our warm house!  Mark had to trek out to the I'm a little worried about him.  Our roads get drifted shut out here so I hope he makes it back and forth alright.  I love snow days, Nolan gets so excited to be home.  He gets out toys he normally doesn't play with, and it's always a fun day :-)  Right now he is building all kinds of car creations with his LEGO's. 

So Mr. Luke sent me a message loud and clear:  Never eat Bob Evan's sausage while I'm still breastfeeding!  Many of my friends had to really watch what they ate while nursing their kids, but I was lucky when I nursed Nolan.  I could eat anything - even spicy Mexican - with no adverse effect.  Well, that is NOT the case with Luke!  If I eat anything remotely spicy, he gets a diaper rash and gets very gassy.  Sunday night I ate something with Bob Evan's sausage in it - I don't consider that sausage to be "spicy", and didn't think it would be a problem.  I was so wrong.  Poor Luke had a diaper rash and awful gas.....I had to hold him and walk around with him so much yesterday that by the evening my back muscles were killing me.  Luckily everything ironed itself out by late evening and he slept really well last night.  He only woke up every 4 hours!  No more rash, and no more gas.  Life is good again....